I finally figured out how to feed my kids!

You know, like before school.

They’re 7 and 10. Mom fail. Mornings in my house have forever been chaos. Its a nightmare, I’m super bitchy, the little one is overly sensitive… I’m generally late as a rule of thumb and I hate everything between the hours of 6 am and 10 am.

But I think I finally figured it out and I feel pretty good about it.

Mornings aren’t a nightmare and there is nothing wrong with microwaved eggs. Seriously. Two in a mug (but don’t use one that has a pretty gold rim unless you want to burn down your house, my bad) and life is good. Then I just add cheese and throw it between some toast. Wesley literally thinks its gourmet (because he’s 7 and has no idea about anything gourmet).

I used to wait, miserably in a line at Dunkin Donut’s every single morning. For 2 fake-egg wake up wrap things and a pretty pink frosted donut. The wait was painful. Everyone and their mother is at DD in the morning, I think. And I am looking a mess and definitely don’t want to see anyone. And then I would have to listen to him talk, nonstop, about things like Pokemon, or firetrucks, or why the sun comes out- or whatever thing he was learning about in school that week. Which was literally painful, considering I hadn’t even had coffee yet.

But, not being the perfect Pinterest mom, I wasn’t about to make perfect egg cups with 100% of their daily vitamins in a stupid fucking muffin tin as if it was some glorious idea. The kid would look a muffin shaped egg and probably roll his eyes, then proceed to cry about why he can’t eat things that are round. Because, you know, morning.

Anyway, I found these awesome bento boxes on amazon. They’re something like $15 for 7 of them. And they have lids (so nothing ends up on the ground and we don’t have meltdowns, god forbid, mama ain’t ready for your shit while the sun is still rising, child.), so that is a plus. Bonus- they’re BPA free (whatever the hell that means, and if it’s even relevant…)


So this is how our new morning goes- wake up, put clothes on brush teeth, all those things. While he does that, I make this ‘gourmet’ sandwich thing (sometimes he has a special request for a bagel and cream cheese) and then fill the other spots with berries, or oranges, whatever (occasionally my darling wife let’s him have cookies with his breakfast- can’t be worse than a donut, right?), and always a yogurt stick of weirdness, otherwise known as Go-Gurt (which I am obsessed with even as an adult-judge me later). It takes maybe a total of 5 minutes.

Here’s what I have realized. Our morning ride is relatively quiet, and there are fewer asinine questions. Win. The ridiculous drop off line offers plenty of time to eat. And giggle and have normal conversations, stress free. Win. Everyone is happier. Double win.

And then there’s the fact that he is actually eating normal food. And a lot of it. For breakfast. Its awesome. And I have my sanity. And we have a normal schedule.

I don’t know how people with like 6 kids can function in the morning (super humans), but if I had thought about this maybe, I don’t know, 5 years ago, life would have been much more pleasant every morning.

Either way, hooray for feeding my kid normal things for breakfast.


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